Zap!
A Mitchonese couch potato follows his passion to Earth
Zap Ack got to Earth on May 14th, just in time for the summer movie season. He was the first of the Mitchonese to visit the source of the universe’s best entertainment and Hollywood’s biggest intergalactic fan.
The Mitchonese, as the name would suggest, lived on Mitchone, a desert planet deep in the Milky Way galaxy, exactly 28,368.43 light years away from where Zap died in a parking lot on Sunset Boulevard. The next day in the newspaper, a young reporter, Miss Perri Chants, would describe him as “…a small purple creature that looked relatively human from a distance but upon closer inspection revealed soft, tentacle-like appendages with only four fingers instead of ordinary arms, and only slightly more rigid legs, sparsely dotted with pink freckles. Witnesses described it standing upright before being attacked by Mrs. Wattle. Its face was almost identical to one of ours, except missing ears, any hair and covered in a dense pattern of those same pink freckles. It was just familiar enough that you could pass it on the street and not look twice, especially when wearing the porkpie hat and corduroy jacket that laid on the ground next to its body.”
It’s worth noting that what looked like nostrils served the function of ears and Zap had no ability to smell. If that reporter had been able to examine further, she would have seen the gill-equivalent that enabled his survival in an oxygen-rich environment where ‘hips’ would have been. During the autopsy one of the coroners said “little fella must have just been all pent-up” after discovering Zap did not have any genitalia (note: Zap is ungendered but I will continue using male pronouns for clarity). The Mitchonese achieve orgasms without any partners and only in complete solitude, so while his lack of genitals did not make Zap “all pent-up,” the coroner was correct that Zap was searching for companionship. He came to earth in need of a social civilization as the Mitchone remained by themselves and the last time Zap saw one of his siblings was more than 3,000 Earth years earlier.
The Mitchonese do not procreate. 22,768 of them simply woke up one morning, completely unaware of how they got there. Zap gained consciousness as a baby along with all but four of his siblings. The ‘Telts,’ as they named themselves, were born fully-grown and had to raise the rest of their family while figuring out how to exist for themselves. Before realizing that the dark black bushes with rich yellow stripes and long branches – ‘blots’ – that began to sprout around them could provide sustenance, the Telts had already killed and eaten 2,513 of the young Mitchonese. After discovering this new source of food, none of them ever spoke of this and all the history they passed on described only 20,251 Mitchonese children born along with the four Telts.
There were no other animals on Mitchone except for a single small yellow critter about the size of a Mitchonese foot, with six legs, a thin tail the same length as their body, a wide mouth and a single protrusion on their head that came to a point with a small eye on top. Its bright scales appeared moist when they caught sunlight, reflecting an unfamiliar sheen back towards the Telts. They only had one encounter with this creature but eagerly spread the legend of The Scooch to their entire population, understandably terrified of anything else that moved. None of the other Mitchonese believed the Scooch existed. But scooches did exist and they were each a part of the UMS: Universal Messaging Service. That first one was sent to check-in on these new life forms.
Shortly after seeing the scooch, the Telts discovered a Galactic Televised Surveillance System (GTS) – a small box that allowed them to view other planets. They used it to keep their younger siblings entertained and calm, but soon fell in love with the programming themselves and deduced a way to duplicate the GTS technology so they could each watch in solitude. Despite learning to work with each other to raise their siblings, the Telts still thrived through separation. [A1] Only two of them would stay with the young ones at any given time while the others disappeared into isolation for an extended period.
Weather on Mitchone never changed. It was always the equivalent of 78 degrees Fahrenheit, and constantly light on the entire surface, creating a desert atmosphere and thick pale-yellow dust covering. Mitchone was stuck between two stars that constantly battled to pull it into their respective orbits, so it was stagnant along with its neighbor Talcon. The two planets appeared to touch when observed from a distance, but at their closest point they were still separated by 500 feet of shared atmosphere, composed of nitrogen dioxide. [A2] [A3]
The equivalent of 276 earth years passed before the rest of the Mitchonese finally reached maturity. The whole species appeared immortal due to the slow rate at which the Talts aged, and with no signs of natural death or known co-habitants of their planet to pose as threats, they might have remained so in isolation[A4] . The Telts completely repressed their early cannibalism, so the Mitchonese had no concept of violence or death. [A5]
After spending all that time together raising their siblings, the Telts were excited to permanently go their separate ways and recommended the others do the same. Zap enjoyed living with his family, but none of the other ‘children’ debated, distracted by their ‘sexual’ desires, having never experienced an orgasm up until that point. Zap did not want to speak up on his own. He was not independent. A fear of standing out stranded him in solitude.
Without delay the entire surface of Mitchone was split into equal parts and each Mitchonese took a plot of land that included one blot so they could survive on their own indefinitely, and one GTS so they could remain entertained by more than sex. Solitude, sustenance, and surveillance. If Mitchone ever needed a motto, that would be it.
For the next 27 calts of existence, each Mitchonese remained alone. Existence was simple. Zap laid on his back next to his blot, the stripe of sharp, six-pointed yellow leaves within tentacles’ reach. The delicious leaves were as thick as a solid wooden door, with the texture of light angel-food clouds, as much a piece of cake as they were a fruit as they were a leaf. The unsatiating small, flat black leaves on either side remained untouched while Zap’s daily meal was picked from the yellow strip, only to grow back within a couple hours. A thin black trunk grew out of the center of Zap’s blot with a branch canopy flourishing from the top, only slightly taller than him. Squeezing his GTS between two branches made Zap’s position on the ground an ideal vantage point.
After society split, Zap settled in and rarely moved. He slowly sank into the dust[A6] beneath, with only a small purple sliver of his body accompanying his head above the surface. Food was within reach and the GTS was above. There was nowhere to go.
To avoid dwelling on loneliness, Zap gave all his attention to the GTS. After a single afternoon channel surfing to find nothing but wind blowing around dust – something he was surrounded by every day – he returned to watching Skilt 1. The children were raised observing this one fascinating vine wrap the small planet of Skilt, and Zap remained eager to watch it succumb to the pressure at last, but worried that would be the end of the best source of entertainment in the galaxy. Compared to the other options, the vine, the darkness, and even an occasional bit of water made Skilt the epitome of suspense. He always wondered what the rest of his family thought of any new growth but wouldn’t dare try to go visit.
One morning while a small bit of water began to gather on the bottom of the vine, Zap was interrupted by a scooch emerging from his blot. 20,255 scooches had just been sent across the universe to Mitchone, and this one crawled all the way up the blot and to the top of Zap’s GTS. Confused but not yet frightened, he quickly learned why one should occasionally exert some energy. The Scooch dropped down, settled in on Zap’s belly, and he was unable to lift himself from the ground. Zap swatted with his strong feeding arm, twisting his body and yelling “Get off! The water is about to drop! It only happened once in the last calt!” The six prickly feet only dug in further.
The scooch suddenly froze and a light projected from its eye onto the GTS screen. What looked like a pale Mitchonese creature with brown fluff covering its face and head appeared. Then the first voice Zap had heard since being separated from his family, and first sound that ever came from the GTS caused him to forget his physical company and stare up in silence.
“My dear Mitchonese – I am Todd! How are you doing today? You doing well? I hope so! I want to share my new art project with you. I’m calling it ‘Earth.’ I’ve been studying existence-manipulation and the possibility of perpetual-art cultures, and now at the insistence of professor Catchto...” Todd picked up the camera and turned it to the right. “Professor wave hi to the Mitchonese!” A similar creature came into frame moving its stiff upper appendage back and forth. As the camera went back in Todd’s direction and settled into place again, he continued “At the insistence of professor Catchto, I have decided you will be the first people I share this with after many, many centuries of work. It’s a whole planet filled with weird creatures like me and so many other kinds! We understand you have been isolated but still managed to duplicate the GTS, so you’re the perfect test subjects! I want to see what each one of you thinks independently. There are infinite planets with life out there, but because of your poor connection you’ve literally been watching plants grow! You’re missing so much!”
Zap laid with his mouth and nose wide-open, breathing in every single word. He never wanted this new friend to go away. Either one.
Todd continued “I know you have so many questions! Basically, what I wanted to do is create a new planet, with new creatures – who I am calling humans now that I’ve perfected them – and try to get them to create art. It’s an experiment in developing new sources of entertainment for the galaxy! I already got an A on my thesis, but if this becomes sustainable, professor Catchto thinks I could get the Skantar prize!” Todd laughed to himself and tried to catch his breath. “Oh yeah, you don’t know what that is. You don’t know what any of this is! But that doesn’t matter. Your low expectations will make this easy for me! And lucky for you!” Todd lifted his arm up and slowly rounded it over to his right as the camera followed. It came to a stop centered on a small blue ball with green spots all over it.
Zap opened his eyes wide, managing to lift himself up and get a closer look as the scooch adjusted its head to keep the screen focused. Some of the dust around him rustled on its own and he felt a shift throughout the entire surface as if Mitchone itself had leaned forward.
“So what we did was rig little cameras all over the place and give you each 25,000 channels to observe.” Todd continued. “I’m so excited for you to see it! And when you want to give me feedback, please shake your blot. These scooches are going to stay on Mitchone so they can get messages to me and I can respond through them. Thank you and enjoy!”
The projection from the scooch’s eye ended, and it started to crawl away. Zap saw that Skilt was no longer on the screen of his GTS and he turned his head quickly and yelled “where did you come from? what about Skilt? Did the water drop yet?”
The scooch stopped and looked back at Zap. Frozen again, without moving its mouth, Todd’s voice said “It’s never going to crush the planet. I cancelled the non-earth channels. You need to only watch this. Trust me, it’s better than Skilt – there are whole walls of water dropping on Earth but you won’t even want to watch them!”
The scooch scurried back into the roots of the blot as Zap rested his head back down into formation. He returned himself to the slightly disrupted groove beneath him, looked up at the GTS and saw more of these pale creatures, or ‘humans’ as he now knew, on screen. They were moving rapidly as one large group, when more appeared from the other side of the screen. The two masses collided. They were rapidly swinging objects around at each other and dozens started collapsing onto the ground. There was red fluid everywhere. There were loud, piercing noises. Zap was hooked.
--
Zap quickly slapped his blot for the third time in almost one thousand years, far too fascinated watching to not give feedback. The second a scooch appeared, he eagerly asked “what’s going on here?” without taking his eyes off the screen.
The scooch froze up and began to emit Todd’s voice “well Zap, this is my newest idea. I was getting bored with all the Greek painting and sculptures, so I wanted to do something more like creating life again.”
“But there’s a group of people watching it.”
“It’s like I made Earth for you, they’re making things for other humans to watch. They don’t know how interesting they are, so I want them to create their own mini ‘Earths.’ It’s the second phase of my experiment. I’m exhausted. I need them to take over some of the work. Haven’t you gotten bored by all the violence?”
“Well at least since the gladiators stopped. Those were great. And people watched that together.”
“See! It’s like the gladiators! Except instead of a human and an animal, it’s a human and a crowd, or a human and a human! And they make it! No one dies!”
“So, what’s the point?”
“What’s the point of Earth?”
“I like watching it because -”
“That’s it! See, you like watching them, and so do they. I’m tired of inspiring everything! These humans have sapped all my energy.”
“And they watch this together?”
“Yes! It’s what they call a theater, and I’ve got big plans for them! I’m even going to give them their own version of the GTS eventually so they can watch in solitude like you.”
“Why would they want to do that if they can watch in groups?”
Zap looked up to find humans on stage bending over towards the crowd. He opened his eyes wide as the group below them began to make a sound by quickly putting their hands together. His ‘nose’ twitched listening to this sound and Zap lifted his two tentacles from either side of a sunken torso, struggling to hit them together. The slight sound of his soft slap wouldn’t shrink Zap’s show of support.
Todd asked through the scooch “maybe I’ll keep them in groups with a GTS. It looks like fun.” He paused “Eh. That’s Tomorrow Todd’s decision. Anyway… You like it? You get it?”
“They’re like me. I’m watching them watch them.”
“Watch what they’re make too. I think you’ll like some of it. Thanks for letting me know what you think! Not one of your other siblings has called me.”
The scooch scurried away and disappeared into the blot’s black leaves.
-- [From here on, Zap and Todd are speaking modern English] --
Zap was watching a small crowd in a movie theater during a revival screening of Taxi Driver when the blot rustled and the scooch came crawling out. The scooch climbed over Zap’s belly and settled into a small imprint which resembled a Mitchonese foot. There was a light quiver from Zap due to the tickle of the scooch’s legs, but his attention remained on the GTS as his companion made its way across him.
“Hey Todd, how’s the rest of Mitchone doing?” Zap asked once the credits began to roll.
The scooch seemed comfortable, then stiffened up as Todd began speaking “Same as always. Your family is super boring.” He suddenly started yelling, but his voice was more distant than when addressing Zap “Just ask her about the other three judges! That’s all I need. Stravelle shouldn’t be a concern.” The volume returned to normal “Mitchone is a disgusting place. You all just want orgasms and GTS.”
“Not all of us.” Zap whined.
“Every other part of Mitchone is disgusting. I picked the wrong planet as a testing ground. And on top of that all they do is watch squirrels and dolphins!” Todd yelled “That’s not the fucking point.”
Zap laughed “To each their own. But it worked, didn’t it?”
“Touché. What are you watching anyways?” The scooches horn lit up and scanned the screen “Really? Why do you keep going to these revivals? Isn’t there something new playing?”
“Yeah, but they only do Taxi Driver here in LA once a year. I can catch everything else for a couple weeks. This crowd has the best discussions.”
“They are very smart. Their creator must be brilliant.”
Zap gave Todd a sympathy chuckle.
“Anything new on your schedule later?”
“You just want us to find some great new thing you can brag about. You need to stop taking credit for these movies. They’re making it all on their own now, and most of them stopped thanking you. Well, they never really thanked you.” Zap made sure his smug grin was also aurally transmitted.
“You ass. They get my name wrong once, and now every time I go back and tell them it’s ‘Todd’ I get arrested and called crazy.”
“Well at least you’ve been there.”
“Eh. You romanticize it. You can’t just change the channel if you don’t want to deal with something. It’s nicer to watch on-screen, especially now that there are just so many of them. I shouldn’t have let them make more humans on their own. Or at least not made it so fun. That’s one lesson I could have taken from your nauseating species.”
“I’d still like to go. You’re not the one that spends their entire life alone except for talking to a living intercom.”
“Go to channel 14,628”
“I get it. Tokyo is crowded.”
“Just do it. I want you to see what you’re missing. If you really want to be surrounded by them.”
Zap reached up and punched the number 1,242 into the set. The screen changed to Sunset Boulevard in Hollywood, looking across the street at a large white dome with a palm tree in front. The off-kilter letters in a pattern of alternating blue and red boxes at different angles read ‘Cinerama.’ It was outside the theater playing Taxi Driver.
The scratching sound of Todd sighing came through the scooch again “You really think LA is different? You watch too many movies.”
“And whose fault is that?”
“Fair point.” Todd paused. “You really want to go?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Just tell me. Do you really want to go?”
“I want to go watch some movies with a crowd. I want to talk about them with real humans. Not just you. No offense.”
“Offense taken. I am delightful. But really, you just like what I did so much you want to go visit.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“Say it. Say ‘I like the Earth created by Todd so much that I want to go visit his exquisite work. Because Todd is great.”’”
“No.” Zap rolled his eyes and huffed.
“Do you want to go?”
Zap looked over to the scooch with the side of his eyes. “Can you do that?”
“Let’s find out.”
“I like the Earth created by Todd so much that I want to go visit his exquisite work.”
“Because…”
Zap gave a small disgusted cough “Because Todd is great.”
“Let’s give it a try.”
Zap waited.
Todd asked “still there?”
“Yes. I told you you couldn’t do it.”
“Just wait one second.”
A loud clank came over the radio and Todd exclaimed “shit!”
Zap laughed. “How’s it going?”
“Oh, fuck off.”
Silence.
“Zap – you there?” Todd waited. “Zap?”
Zap woke up face down in a parking lot on Hollywood Boulevard, his skin boiling against the 118-degree pavement. He jumped up and yelled “fuck!” but quickly forgot his pain and looked around in awe.
Zap stumbled out to the sidewalk, assimilating his legs to the newfound stability afforded by solid ground. Looking up at the sky he gave a small nod of surprise and admiration for Todd’s work when a tourist came up and grabbed Zap’s shoulder, pulling him in tight. His eyes widened and he looked over in fear when someone suddenly took a picture.
The tourist said “sick makeup bro” as he released Zap and went on his way.
Every time Professor Catchto returned to the Galactic Research Institute, she reminisced about the vibrant academic community that slowly disappeared over the past three thousand years. There were pictures of all past Skantar Prize winners lining the walls, with a slightly thinner layer of dust signaling the more recent ones as she moved closer to the single open office. There were only two people in the Universe still doing work that would be considered for the Skantar Prize, and Todd would be disqualified from future consideration if he lost for a fifth time. The professor knew this desperation was why Todd suddenly sent Zap to Earth, and she was not looking forward to sharing this development with Stravelle.
The light clack of Professor Catchto’s heels on the tile floor echoed through the empty halls of the Galactic Research Institute as she marched down to see her son. The first time she had worn footwear all her colleagues were offended and surprised that she would debase herself by imitating something from Earth. Two thousand years later almost every conscious species had manipulated their features to look more human, including the fashion that came with it. Professor Catchto liked to mix up eras of clothing, currently wearing a dark navy toga with a tail gliding along behind her and a white rope around her waist whose knotted fist dangled a short extension that sashayed to mirror its vehicle. As an Aristrean, she was able to completely change her shape at will, so she looked positively human in the tall, athletic body she had created hundreds of years ago, and unlike many of the younger generations, she refused to change her look every couple of years to reflect what they saw on the GTS. She could just make herself taller, but for the past sixty years the Professor wore black heels every day[A1] ,
Stravelle heard the familiar clacks reach his door but was still talking into a microphone when Professor Catchto walked in. “…trust me, it’s worth it. There’s more to see. Just take those two parts… You. Over there! Give her that tool… Not that way. Ugh. Just… Just hold on. Don’t break anything.”
Unlike almost everyone else around him, Stravelle refused to imitate the features or mannerisms of Earth’s entertainment. He still had to maintain the basic humanoid shape since the universe and any generalized tool had adapted to it as the default form over the years, but there were little protests like his constantly changing number of fingers, ranging from zero to eight and rarely equal on both hands or alternatingly long and short. The rolling hills around his head had recently become the trendy deformation among the universe’s counter-culture. Much to Stravelle’s dismay he now saw lumpy heads regularly. His lack of clothes was the simplest protest by simple omission. But there was one element that still startled even Professor Catchto: Stravelle’s single large eye, modeled after the deep interior of a human’s. The big blue iris and moist cornea were wrapped in an inviting darkness that reflected the viewer’s capture as it trapped them inside a trance. A bushy head of hair expressed itself like an eyebrow, which came as a small comfort to some. Few other anti-Earthers were willing to make that big a commitment to their daily appearance.
The office was littered with GTS screens, piled three or four high, balancing precariously on top of multiple tables that crowded the expansive office. Professor Catchto had not been here for a couple months and Stravelle had commandeered furniture from the empty offices. These makeshift control towers allowed him to keep his eye on most of Mitchone’s moon Talon at once and several microphones were positioned in front of his face. Dozens of empty scooch shells littered the corners behind him, mechanical organs of the crawling communication devices scattered across every inch of Stravelle’s many workstations, including the floor.
Professor Catchto looked over at one of the screens to find a group of the[A2] small, stark white Talconers taking apart a scooch of their own “how did they catch that? When did they learn to do that?”
“They did it on their own.” Stravelle’s eye remained locked on the monitors as he spoke to his mother. “I guess the shine of the light gave it away. But it’s making things go quicker.”
“Have you been coaching them?” she began to survey the other screens, discovering thousands more Talconers performing similar dissections.
“Of course not. I just have to keep sending more to talk to them because they are taking them all apart.”
“You sure you’re not helping them? That you’re not just nervous about the deadline?”
Stravelle responded in a discordant staccato rhythm “No. I mean I am nervous. But that’s not why I sent so many scooches. Well I sent the scooches one by one because I need to keep talking to them. I said they’d figure out space travel, and I think they’re close. The judges need to see them get out of there soon or they’ll just be another failed experiment.”
“I told you to stop making promises like that. I’m not sure they’ll appreciate it if the Talconers only know how to leave because of the scooch technology… Especially if you taught them how to build a ship.”
“Todd gave them fire! Todd gave them rules to survive! At least I’ve never actually gone to Talcon!”
“Those are all rumors.”
Professor Catchto had slowly made her way through the desks and screens to reach her son’s side, jumping a bit when he turned and the giant blue eye stared her in the face. She brushed off the disgust and put her hand on his shoulder.
Stravelle jumped up out of his chair. “This is bullshit! Just let me finish. If you’re not here to help just leave me alone.”
“Stravelle.”
“Don’t use that quiet tone with me” Stravelle yelled and turned his back.
“Todd just sent one of the Mitchonese down to Earth.”
Stravelle looked back over his shoulder toward his mother “How? He shouldn’t be able to transport that quickly. From that far. Why?”
“He’s been working on it for a while and must have finally figured it out. But I’m not sure what the judges will think about sending one of them down there. It depends what they do while they’re there. They don’t have much knowledge to share with the humans.”
“So as long as he doesn’t call attention to himself you think Todd will get away with it? But everyone will see them down there.”
“It seems like almost everyone just watched him arrive in LA, so I’m sure most of the universe will keep an eye on it. I ran here so you could hear it from me first.”
“He should be disqualified!” Stravelle stated proudly. “He can’t just send one of his little pets to interfere.”
Professor Catchto scanned the office and the activity on Talcon again, then shook her head “Do you really want them questioning his methods? It looks like everything’s out the window right now.”
Stravelle’s eye opened wide, his brow hair raised, and his entire head slowly followed as if being lifted by thought. He leaned over to the microphone and told the crowds “stop working. Wait for me.”
“Stravelle.” Professor Catchto said with maternal concern, “What are you planning?”
“I need the Talconers to work faster. I’m going to send them more tools.” Stravelle was rushing down the hall with his mother close behind.
She asked “Do you really want to win like this?”
“I can’t lose to Todd. He already has everyone’s attention. He doesn’t get to have the Skantar too.” Stravelle stopped and looked back at his mother. “I’m not going to listen to you defend him again. He can’t take this from me too.”
Professor Catchto gave up following Stravelle and decided to leave herself out of this Skantar battle.
--
The Skantar Prize was a relic from an earlier time, created so long ago it felt like it always existed. It was awarded intermittently for the greatest achievement in life creation, and any rules were implied, rather than written down. The Skantar committee had final discretion over who and what won for what reasons. This committee consisted of four judges, two from each of the creation-species: Aristreans – to which Stravelle and Professor Catchto belonged, and Prokkers – which Todd was a part of. The only real consistency of the committee’s choice was a desire to protect the academic reputation of the Skantar Prize. They had continually been resistant to any new life considered entertainment first and evolution second.
This bias is what kept Todd from winning the past four cycles. Many still believed he should have won several times during mankind’s evolution, and the entire universe thought he was a shoo-in last round after introducing Earth to Mitchone. But the more popular Earth became, the less eager the committee was to reward him.
Working in Todd’s favor this time though, was that as more and more of the universe’s population became absorbed in their observation of Earth, the less they were interested in creating new life. He was indirectly reducing his competition. Stravelle was never distracted by Earth and always remained focused on his experiments, especially when his mother was helping Todd instead of supporting her own son’s education.
Todd had taken the slow and steady approach in species creation and evolution, which most argued was more sustainable. That was a necessity for his goal of perpetual entertainment. Initially he didn’t want the Skantar prize, but now felt he deserved it for having such an impact on the universe. Showing the fascination with Earth on an isolated planet like Mitchone was his way of proving his importance. But his interference with the Mitchonese by first introducing the GTS to them was controversial – he was blamed for stunting their intellectual evolution – an easy excuse for the committee to ignore him once again.
Showing an ability to transport any being over vast stretches of the universe instantaneously was a new level of creation that was sure to get the committee’s attention. Todd was able to completely duplicate Zap, memories and all, which had never been successfully completed before. He could now create a new version of Zap on Earth, murder the one on Mitchone and have essentially the same effect as travelling there. There would certainly be ethical questions, but the technology is undeniable and his competition too traditional.
Stravelle’s goal was to have the Talconers do in 200 years what it took humans over a million to achieve: reach space. This would prove he was able to create a more intelligent species at birth than anyone before him. A reflection of himself, an ability to evolve quicker than previously believed. Space travel was generally a good benchmark for a species’ intelligence and had helped others win in the past.
This year’s Skantar prize was a battle between two individuals, two species, entertainment and academia. A student and a son.
--
Right from the beginning of his experiment, Stravelle was on the edge of Skantar etiquette by using Mitchone’s sister planet Talcon. It might have been immediately disqualifying to create life within 10 million light years of someone else’s experiment, but the Mitchonese had not been created by Todd, he just used the sedentary, harmless species as pawns in his experiment. That left Talcon open to anyone unafraid of their reputation, Stravelle decided to rub his experiment in Todd’s face and prove to Professor Catchto who she should really be proud of. It drove Stravelle crazy that Todd was too busy to notice it was happening.
Stravelle learned a lot of lessons from Todd, Earth, and even observing Mitchone, first and foremost to not let his creatures procreate on their own. There was a great white river that ran across the familiar desert terrain of Talcon and like the history of Mitchone, Stravelle birthed the Talconers from the milk-like liquid, fully grown. They were a third of the size of a Mitchonese and a deep white color as if they remained a part of the river. They survived almost exclusively on this liquid diet, and when they waded into it to drink, they were perfectly camouflaged. With such an abundant and obvious source of sustenance, they immediately knew how to survive and not a single one died.
Stravelle wanted to create a species so intelligent that the curiosity necessary for space travel would come naturally. That they would immediately want to know what was out there. As a rebuttal to Todd and his impact on others, Stravelle always made his Talconers’ search for something to make them smarter, with no desire to entertain themselves. There was no instinct other than one to know more.
Stravelle did not think about the need for maturation and growth though, so the Talconers became extremely co-dependent, afraid to ever be away from their thousands of siblings. Far more dependent on each other than the Mitchonese or even the smallest tribes on Earth, so they almost always stayed in groups of 500 or more, with all 5,642 in close proximity.
Mitchone (an already lethargic planet Todd made less interesting) had barely evolved as a society since the discovery of the GTS, and Earth had become far too violent because of the threats to themselves and survival instincts, so the Talconers already looked great by comparison.
--
Drazno had always been the only outsider on Talcon. She stayed on the edges of the constant crowd, typically as far away as she could get without drawing attention.
Crat, on the other hand, was the most popular and outgoing of all the Talconers. He was the closest thing they had to a leader, always the first to greet a new scooch when it arrived or crack another one open when Stravelle asked them to. Crat was the first to get everyone organized into groups trying to build the different parts of Stravelle’s gift to them. He promised the Talconers a key to the most wonderous things in the entire universe, and Crat was determined to get it done, mainly because his creator asked.
It was Drazno who first saw the ship coming towards Talcon. She was a few hundred yards away from the edge of one group when a speck appeared in the sky between the surface and the sun on the west side of Talcon. The dot quickly gained in size and became a large round metal ship with the sun bouncing off the same yellow sheen of a scooch. It was flying towards her with terrifying speed, following as she ran to reach the group. But the ship was quickly over her head before she could warn her siblings, and the enormous vehicle crashed into a crowd, decimating several hundred Talconers in the process. They didn’t immediately understand what happened to their family members. This was the first time they witnessed death.
A door from the ship sprang open, and Stravelle walked into view, standing tall and powerful, presenting himself as a savior and expecting a warm welcome. But the Talconers were unable to recognize him, as they were only familiar with his voice. This weird creature had just come from seemingly nowhere, landed on a good chunk of their population, and now presented it’s big blue eye, lumpy head, and green skin. They had never even seen another animal before. After this awkward moment of silence, during which some of the Talconers began to realize their crushed siblings were not moving, Stravelle announced “It’s me – Stravelle! I came to help you finish. Now let’s get moving.”
Stravelle kicked a ladder out of the ship and slowly started to climb down. Crat was pushing his way through the crowd towards the crash site from where he had been supervising the organization of scooch parts in preparation for the new directions from Stravelle.
Just as Stravelle jumped onto the ground, Crat greeted him. “Hello Stravelle. What brings you here?”
“Well I decided to visit and help. You’re slowing down and I can’t just keep sending you new parts. I need some of the others to go onto the ship and unload all the material I brought.” Stravelle looked around and pointed to a large mass of about 150 Talconers, waving them on-board “All of you. Go start carrying things off. Get everything.”
Crat mimicked Stravelle’s motion and said “Yes. Go onto the ship everybody.” He turned back to Stravelle “But sir, I thought we were making progress.”
“I’ve been very disappointed in all of you, especially you Crat. You couldn’t get it done on your own. I’m… We’re running out of time.”
“Time for what? Are the wonders of the universe disappearing?” Crat trembled at this possibility.
“I’m helping you to get someone off of here so I can beat Todd. You have no idea what’s going on and it’s not worth explaining. Just do what I say and we can get someone launched in the next coupled days” Stravelle stopped and looked down at Crat with a big squint in his eye. “Why do you think you can ask so many questions? You don’t need to know why you’re doing this. Just that I told you to do it. Or… Where’s Jep? I know she would be eager to lead.”
Crat turned to the crowd immediately. He saw the group Stravelle directed on their way to the ship, then looked in the distance to the piles of scooch parts and the large prototype ship they started to build. “Jep. Take a group to get all the parts and bring them over here. Let’s give Stravelle everything he needs.”
Jep led a crowd towards the parts and Crat turned back for approval, finding Stravelle had walked away and was clearing a spot on the surface for all the scooch pieces to be compiled with his new parts.
Drazno was making her way towards the ship, curious as to where Stravelle came from. She knew he lived in a different part of the universe but she never imagined it as somewhere she could go. With Stravelle on Talcon, everything suddenly felt closer.
Crat made his way towards the edge of the ship to help unload and heard an unfamiliar screech of pain coming from one of the crushed Talconers still holding onto her last bit of breath, the entire lower half of her body under the front end of the ship. “Sir – Why is she making that sound? Is she ok?”
“You know, it’s bothering me too.”
Stravelle reached into his pocket, pulled out a small remote, and aimed it towards the dying Talconer. He pressed one button and with a light zap she was burnt. The screaming and squirming stopped. The onlookers paused for a moment, went silent and returned to work moving everything into the opening Stravelle had made. Except Crat. Crat was suddenly frozen with a fear he had never felt before. He knew something was wrong.
In short order, the thousands of Talconers had piled all available parts onto the desert in a space significantly larger than the ship Stravelle arrived on. There was little movement in the crowd and even less noise as they all nervously watched Stravelle survey the materials. He got optimistic seeing the work-in-progress ship in person, but then he stopped. “Shit. Fuck!”
All the Talconers jumped at once. Crat looked over at Stravelle, then immediately back down to the dry, bleak surface when that giant eye whipped in his direction. He managed to squeeze out the question “what do you need sir?”
“Fuel. I forgot to bring extra fuel.”
Stravelle sat on the ground and leaned his head back with his eye closed. He began to devise different formulas for fuel from the river liquid, and maybe even the Talconer bodies underneath his ship.
The Talconer population waited in silence for some signal Stravelle was not going to just attack them all with his burning remote. A few of them looked towards Crat to do something. A couple others gave encouraging eyes to Jep. Jep stepped forward and said “I’m sure you will think of something sir, we will do whatever we can to he-“
Zap
Jep’s ashen body fell to the ground. Stravelle closed his eye again and laid flat on the surface, debating of the easiest way to dispose of the Talconers. Typically, any experimental species would be left to live out their lives, but Stravelle certainly didn’t want any living proof of his failure in the universe.
A quick, small whirr came from the ship and grabbed everyone’s attention. Stravelle leaned his head back to see the ship – now behind him – out of the top of his eye. From this angle the ship and surface almost blended together with the sun gleaming off the ship’s shell the biggest differentiator.
Stravelle watched Drazno make her way to the ship’s door and quickly climb down the ladder. She turned to find everyone staring at her, including Stravelle, remote in hand.
Keeping his eye on this wily Talconer as he made his way back to his feet and examining the ship, he found another idea and saw his tiny future pilot, as a world of possibilities “Crat, who is that?”
“I can’t see from here.” A short pause “But it’s Drazno.”
“Drazno! Wait there.” Stravelle began to walk over to the ship with the thousands of Talconers slowly following him, trying to be quiet but unable to prevent the quaking pound of their mass movement.
Drazno began to run around to the other side of the ship.
Zap
A fresh black spot smoked on the ground in front of Drazno’s feet. She looked over to Stravelle who was waving the remote at her with a playful warning. She awaited her punishment, frozen at the base of the ladder below the ship’s entrance but standing tall.
Stravelle reached Drazno and looked over her closely using his one good eye, towering over her head. “Why weren’t you with the rest of them?”
No response.
“None of the others would ever be this far away by themselves.” Stravelle used the remote to point in the direction of the Talconer populace and they all gasped in fear.
Crat spoke up “She never lets us help her. She always avoids the rest of us.”
“Not even Crat would have come over here by himself. That’s why he’ll never impress me no matter how hard he tries. You’re the independent one?”
“Yes sir.” Drazno had no idea what a military was, but nonetheless she stood like an attentive soldier.
“Do you want to leave here?”
“Yes sir.”
“By yourself?”
“Yes sir.”
“Get back on the ship.”
“Crat, come with us.”
Drazno climbed back up the ladder, Stravelle followed closely behind, and Crat jogged to catch up. The rest of the Talconers inched closer in a human traffic jam.
The ship’s single large room mirrored the round shape of the shell, with a surprisingly bare interior remaining after the load of materials Stravelle brought with him had been unloaded. The interior was the same yellow color as the outside, but it looked far less impressive without the sun beaming down on it. There were four large individual seats surrounding a small control desk, with buttons across the sides. One large screen sat in the middle of the desks surface.
Stravelle walked over to the desk with Drazno at his side. They both had to stop and signal for Crat to follow.
“You two are going somewhere called Earth. Drazno, I need you to find someone. The ship will tell you exactly where he is when you get there, here’s what he looks like.” A picture of Zap came up on the screen, and Drazno jumped to stand on one of the seats to look over at it.
Stravelle told Crat “You have to look too. Don’t be worried. You’re safer than everyone outside.”
Crat gulped and got onto another one of the seats, reviewing the image of one strange new creature, slightly different than the sea of other new creatures surrounding him.
“As long as we leave, I’m ok.” Drazno got off her feet and sat down to get comfy in the seat.
“It will just be you two. I’m staying here to finish the other ship.”
“Ok great – I’ll stay with you.” Crat said with a sigh of relief.
“No, you’re leaving. I don’t want to keep hearing you beg for attention. I need someone disposable with her on the trip.”
Drazno and Crat both tightened up with fear, the latter ready to risk running past Stravelle and off the ship.
Stravelle left the threat without comment “This ship will take you to Earth. Just find him and get rid of him.”
“How?” Drazno asked.
“Take this.” Stravelle handed the remote to Drazno. “Don’t let him touch it.”
“Can’t I just go alone?”
“You’ll find a use for him.”
Stravelle looked at Crat curled up in the seat farthest from the others. “You hear that? She’s in charge.”
“But…” Crat paused. “Ok.”
“When I leave, just press this” Stravelle pointed to a small green button on the side of the console.
Drazno looked back up at Stravelle “how will we get back?”
“Do you really want to come back?”
“I guess not.”
Stravelle walked towards the ship door gave a glance back. “Good luck you two. Crat – you better die first.” He pressed a button on the wall before climbing down the ladder and the door shut behind him.
Drazno hesitated for a moment then started the ship.
Outside, Stravelle stood looking at the crowd in front of the ship. This roar of the engines was louder than before as the ship lifted off and sped out of view.
Stravelle stood proudly by himself, truly in command of his Talconers for the first time. Thousands were in front of him, tools at his disposal. Hundreds of bodies laid on the ground behind him, already disposed of when the ship had landed. And two more were on their way to Earth to destroy Todd, and hopefully a lot more in the process.
Zap Ack had become Zack in the few weeks since he arrived on Earth. It was surprisingly easy for him to integrate into society once he covered himself up with baggy clothes and an ever-present hat. If anyone got close enough to notice his skin tone, he could easily shame them for mentioning his skin condition – he learned all about guilt when he was watching Earth, and was finally able to use that skill. There were all sorts of things that Zack could do that Zap Ack couldn’t because Zack lived in a society, he was surrounded by humans and got to interact with others. Guilt was a nice tool, lying too,
That first tourist handed Zap money for a photo, as was expected for any of the costumed human props giving tourists a perfect Instagram moment on vacation. The superheroes were a great attraction, but Zap was something completely different. His ‘makeup’ astonished passersby, so he just went with it. He had learned how to lie, act, steal, pose, and solicit through hundreds of years of observation. He could have been one of the most brilliant sociologists, anthropologists, or therapists on the planet. So when he was handed a simple opportunity as a con-man, he took it.